Typically when we think of self-harm, or intended self-mutilation, we think of cutting. This could be due to it leaving the most obvious types of scarring in most cases, being widely depicted in media, or the false narrative surrounding women and self-harm. What we know from doctors is that self-harm (in general, but particularly cutting), is not “fake”, as it seen in animals in distress, and there is evidence of such behavior since the times of the Mayans. However, there is still a strong stigma surrounding it – and there is also little to no acknowledgement of forms other than cutting.
Self-starvation is not to be confused with other forms of self-destructive behavior or mental illness such as anorexia. Some “short-term” types of self-harm are self-destructive actions without addiction, such as: partying, heavily drinking, experimenting with drugs, reckless sex, impulsive acts, being a “daredevil,” and irresponsible spending. Although this is still self-harm, it is unintentional and often does not last long periods of time. It is often seen in teenagers, those in distress, or people with unresolved trauma and PTSD.
There is self-harm through addiction, and not just via recreational drugs, alcohol, or other neurotoxins. It is often also unintentional and related to PTSD, trauma (especially from childhood), and self-esteem issues, resulting in addictions such as: shopping, plastic surgery, exercise, non-surgical cosmetic procedures, relationship “jumping”, sex, intentionally hurting a romantic /sexual partner, tanning, and even being a “workaholic.” Even in mild cases, it can commonly be undiagnosed (or simply unrecognized) self-harm and self-abuse. The only way to stop it is professional help from a therapist, psychiatrist, or even a life coach.
It’s imperative to remember that self-starvation is an eating disorder, but is not anorexia or bulimia, due it having little or no connection to one’s appearance. Instead, it is a type of punishment or even hatred to one’s body, although there may also be other reasons – this heavily depends on the individual and his or her illness. There are also other eating disorders not related to looks, like depression so severe that people don’t eat because of it and involuntarily lose weight, but this too should not be confused with self-starvation.
Unfortunately, there isn’t too much data or conversation about self-harm in the form of starvation. Self-harm has been an ill-fated, yet significant part of my life. My experience with self-starvation started last year at a particularly challenging time when I was also dealing with other forms of self-destructive behavior. In my mindset, I hated the choices I was making and how I was being treated – thus, I wanted to cause my body harm. Because I was so severely depressed, it is a bit blurry to differentiate the times it was “I am too depressed to eat” and those when it was “I want to cause my body pain.” I believe this is probably common with most who suffer from this.
In plenty of cases, self-harm, especially when it is direct harm to one’s body, stays with you forever and does not completely “go away.” The addictive aspect becomes a coping technique; when something triggers it, it will frequently become a first resort solution. Even with years of therapy, this can still happen. I’m very proud of myself for getting out of the place I was in last year when I was inflicting the most pain to my body, but I am also self-aware and conscious that stressful or depressive episodes can prompt this response. I believe this awareness is important for anyone who deals with self-harm or self-destructive tendencies.
Any kind of psychiatric help is crucial to receive if you or someone you know is affected by this – just make sure that the health professional you see has a skilled background in treating those with addiction and self-harm. I hope that in the future we see more people talking about this, as it is not just harmful to one’s body but also detrimental to his or her mental health.
Talya's life 