2024 was one of the hardest years of my life for countless reasons — I was not myself. I fell into a place no one wants to be, which landed me in the ICU for almost a week. When I finally got home, everything felt strange and unfamiliar, and adapting back to reality seemed impossible.
My body was incredibly weak — I had barely eaten anything, was severely dehydrated, off all my medications, and extremely sleep-deprived. I had trouble getting up and down the stairs and in and out of bed — everything hurt. My mind and body were exhausted.
There were so many aspects to healing: I was still going through withdrawal after abruptly being taken off all medication, processing everything I had just been through, trying to regain physical strength, and dealing with the psychological effects of being unmedicated. (While I don’t feel comfortable talking about what that feels like for me, I will say that I am not a threat to myself or others.) I was seeing doctors, trying new medications — I felt so vulnerable and overwhelmed.
I’m incredibly lucky to have a lot of support — I recognize not everyone does. Still, it was a very lonely and confusing time in my life. I didn’t think it would be possible to return to a “normal” life — and more importantly, to a life that was an improvement from before. But with the encouragement of my family, I was able to make small steps every day, like leaving the house (even if it was just for a drive or to pick up a prescription), improving my diet, and seeing doctors who knew how to help me.
I tried to do everything I could to help myself. I’m extremely self-aware of my emotions and how my body is feeling. I tried to accept that this was a time when I needed to focus on getting better. Being in that mindset can be difficult — I was so angry that I couldn’t do the simple things I used to, like folding laundry or taking my dog for a walk. But the idea that you have to get better immediately and feel fine won’t ease any of the stress. It’s challenging, but approaching everything slowly and with patience is healthier for both your mind and body.
That was almost exactly a year ago. Eventually, I hope I can talk more in-depth about what I went through and what led up to it. I think it’s important for others to hear. Unfortunately, it’s something that’s far too common, many people experience it. My life was never the same afterward — in both good and negative ways.
I’ve been doing quite a bit of reflecting. Just a year ago feels like a lifetime ago. The adjustment after coming back from the hospital can be hard and scary — but it does get easier.
Talya's life 